Part 2 Establishing Healthy Boundaries

Order Danny and Amelia's Book, Pursuit of Passion, and begin your journey of deeper love and lasting passion at https://www.dannyamelia.org/.

Transcript

WEBVTT
 
 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.000
 Now,
 
 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:01.141
 the third thing we're going to talk
 
 00:00:01.181 --> 00:00:03.924
 about is, guess what?
 
 00:00:05.165 --> 00:00:08.768
 Effectively communicating any changes
 
 00:00:09.805 --> 00:00:10.607
 You have to effectively
 
 00:00:10.687 --> 00:00:11.570
 communicate changes.
 
 00:00:11.690 --> 00:00:13.234
 If those boundaries have changed,
 
 00:00:13.912 --> 00:00:15.613
 If you're no longer in that
 
 00:00:15.753 --> 00:00:17.474
 area of insecurities or
 
 00:00:17.674 --> 00:00:19.395
 you're no longer in that area of jealousy,
 
 00:00:19.955 --> 00:00:21.616
 you have to communicate those boundaries.
 
 00:00:21.636 --> 00:00:22.997
 You can't assume.
 
 00:00:23.197 --> 00:00:24.778
 If you have rebuilt that trust.
 
 00:00:24.798 --> 00:00:25.798
 You've rebuilt that trust.
 
 00:00:26.178 --> 00:00:27.299
 You can't assume that your
 
 00:00:27.319 --> 00:00:29.080
 spouse know that you're
 
 00:00:29.100 --> 00:00:32.061
 okay with whatever season
 
 00:00:32.081 --> 00:00:33.062
 you're in at that moment.
 
 00:00:33.502 --> 00:00:35.963
 You have to make sure that you effectively,
 
 00:00:36.704 --> 00:00:39.145
 the word effectively communicate.
 
 00:00:39.705 --> 00:00:40.926
 You have to tell them.
 
 00:00:42.001 --> 00:00:43.022
 where you are with that
 
 00:00:43.122 --> 00:00:44.683
 previous boundary that has
 
 00:00:44.703 --> 00:00:46.085
 been set so they'll know
 
 00:00:46.145 --> 00:00:48.647
 not to assume or violate
 
 00:00:48.967 --> 00:00:49.788
 that particular boundary.
 
 00:00:50.248 --> 00:00:50.529
 You know,
 
 00:00:50.589 --> 00:00:52.030
 some of those boundaries that we
 
 00:00:52.070 --> 00:00:52.931
 set early on,
 
 00:00:52.951 --> 00:00:55.173
 we still have in play
 
 00:00:55.613 --> 00:00:56.354
 because they're just...
 
 00:00:56.434 --> 00:00:58.696
 They're good for us.
 
 00:00:58.756 --> 00:01:00.157
 Yeah, we just love one another.
 
 00:01:00.177 --> 00:01:00.738
 They work for us.
 
 00:01:01.782 --> 00:01:02.983
 Simple things.
 
 00:01:03.463 --> 00:01:04.684
 When you're on your way home from work,
 
 00:01:04.964 --> 00:01:05.304
 call me.
 
 00:01:05.844 --> 00:01:06.244
 Text me.
 
 00:01:06.865 --> 00:01:08.045
 Let me know you're on your way home.
 
 00:01:09.146 --> 00:01:10.506
 If anything happens in between,
 
 00:01:11.247 --> 00:01:11.827
 something's wrong.
 
 00:01:11.867 --> 00:01:12.628
 I didn't get a text.
 
 00:01:13.628 --> 00:01:15.669
 We have a routine with one another.
 
 00:01:19.051 --> 00:01:22.533
 It's not how old school they say, oh,
 
 00:01:22.833 --> 00:01:23.973
 you're just a wuss.
 
 00:01:24.053 --> 00:01:25.414
 You're a henpecked or you're
 
 00:01:25.514 --> 00:01:28.275
 controlled or checking in.
 
 00:01:28.576 --> 00:01:31.417
 No, we're being accountable, number one.
 
 00:01:32.407 --> 00:01:34.891
 And we've talked about those boundaries,
 
 00:01:34.991 --> 00:01:37.675
 number two, and we like those.
 
 00:01:38.456 --> 00:01:40.278
 So we implemented them in
 
 00:01:40.339 --> 00:01:41.660
 our relationship and they
 
 00:01:41.681 --> 00:01:42.562
 remain to this day.
 
 00:01:43.143 --> 00:01:43.363
 Now,
 
 00:01:43.483 --> 00:01:46.407
 some of those boundaries that we have
 
 00:01:46.467 --> 00:01:48.510
 effectively communicated and changed.
 
 00:01:50.397 --> 00:01:52.179
 It's not necessary that you
 
 00:01:52.219 --> 00:01:55.822
 can cannot talk to a female without me.
 
 00:01:56.082 --> 00:01:57.603
 It's not necessary that I
 
 00:01:57.663 --> 00:01:59.505
 cannot talk to a man,
 
 00:01:59.865 --> 00:02:01.446
 another man without my
 
 00:02:01.486 --> 00:02:02.727
 husband's presence.
 
 00:02:03.468 --> 00:02:04.369
 They no longer apply.
 
 00:02:04.429 --> 00:02:05.830
 They no longer apply.
 
 00:02:05.990 --> 00:02:06.730
 And that's a good point
 
 00:02:06.770 --> 00:02:08.592
 because some boundaries, they expire.
 
 00:02:09.232 --> 00:02:10.754
 But we're going to talk about that, too,
 
 00:02:11.054 --> 00:02:11.494
 as well.
 
 00:02:11.935 --> 00:02:13.136
 So now the fourth thing.
 
 00:02:14.020 --> 00:02:14.860
 we're going to talk about.
 
 00:02:15.461 --> 00:02:16.901
 And these are in the notes.
 
 00:02:16.941 --> 00:02:18.482
 So if you go back and look at this,
 
 00:02:18.522 --> 00:02:19.383
 you'll be able to see them.
 
 00:02:20.083 --> 00:02:22.204
 Don't impose your boundaries
 
 00:02:22.985 --> 00:02:23.565
 on each other.
 
 00:02:24.906 --> 00:02:26.026
 You set your boundaries,
 
 00:02:26.326 --> 00:02:27.127
 if that is your bound.
 
 00:02:27.467 --> 00:02:29.448
 If you don't like, let's say, for instance,
 
 00:02:29.488 --> 00:02:31.649
 I'm just going to use a movie reference.
 
 00:02:32.169 --> 00:02:33.510
 If you don't like scary movies,
 
 00:02:34.010 --> 00:02:35.371
 don't set your boundaries
 
 00:02:35.591 --> 00:02:36.631
 on the whole household.
 
 00:02:37.072 --> 00:02:38.712
 Now nobody can watch scary movies.
 
 00:02:40.241 --> 00:02:41.181
 Scary movies can't be
 
 00:02:41.221 --> 00:02:41.982
 watched in the house.
 
 00:02:42.282 --> 00:02:44.022
 You don't like silly movies
 
 00:02:44.082 --> 00:02:45.043
 or whatever it is,
 
 00:02:45.483 --> 00:02:47.823
 or we don't eat cheese or whatever it is.
 
 00:02:47.943 --> 00:02:52.185
 Don't impose that boundary on your spouse.
 
 00:02:52.525 --> 00:02:53.525
 And that's a good one, sweetie.
 
 00:02:53.545 --> 00:02:54.805
 Let's talk about them scary movies.
 
 00:02:54.826 --> 00:03:00.007
 Because my husband and all my children,
 
 00:03:00.727 --> 00:03:02.368
 they love scary movies.
 
 00:03:02.768 --> 00:03:03.368
 Not me.
 
 00:03:03.508 --> 00:03:04.668
 I can't take them.
 
 00:03:06.835 --> 00:03:07.456
 Too intense.
 
 00:03:07.536 --> 00:03:10.258
 It's too intense for the sound, the music,
 
 00:03:10.718 --> 00:03:11.239
 all that stuff.
 
 00:03:11.759 --> 00:03:12.760
 She gets into the movie.
 
 00:03:13.261 --> 00:03:14.121
 My blood pressure.
 
 00:03:14.462 --> 00:03:16.583
 You know, I'm controlling it now.
 
 00:03:17.444 --> 00:03:19.146
 But it used to be that I
 
 00:03:19.186 --> 00:03:20.146
 couldn't control it.
 
 00:03:20.307 --> 00:03:21.448
 And those things would just
 
 00:03:21.508 --> 00:03:23.389
 have me on the edge of my
 
 00:03:23.509 --> 00:03:25.011
 seat and my blood pressure going up.
 
 00:03:25.451 --> 00:03:27.433
 And so I never paid much attention.
 
 00:03:28.702 --> 00:03:30.263
 Gave much time and attention
 
 00:03:30.283 --> 00:03:31.283
 to scary movies.
 
 00:03:31.323 --> 00:03:32.244
 We always thought,
 
 00:03:33.264 --> 00:03:34.965
 the boys and I and our kids,
 
 00:03:35.305 --> 00:03:36.566
 we always thought they didn't make sense.
 
 00:03:36.766 --> 00:03:37.906
 Because if you hear a noise
 
 00:03:38.447 --> 00:03:39.107
 in the back room,
 
 00:03:39.327 --> 00:03:40.327
 don't run back there to
 
 00:03:40.367 --> 00:03:41.748
 find out what it is.
 
 00:03:41.768 --> 00:03:42.668
 Because if you run back
 
 00:03:42.688 --> 00:03:43.569
 there to find out what it is,
 
 00:03:43.969 --> 00:03:44.749
 you're supposed to be killed.
 
 00:03:45.230 --> 00:03:46.030
 I mean, come on.
 
 00:03:46.290 --> 00:03:47.611
 You hear noise in the house,
 
 00:03:48.291 --> 00:03:49.191
 it's not supposed to be there,
 
 00:03:49.552 --> 00:03:50.152
 get out the house.
 
 00:03:50.794 --> 00:03:52.575
 But don't impose those boundaries.
 
 00:03:52.615 --> 00:03:55.858
 Don't make everybody comply
 
 00:03:55.898 --> 00:03:57.699
 with your boundaries that
 
 00:03:57.759 --> 00:03:59.080
 you've set because you're
 
 00:03:59.121 --> 00:04:01.282
 not in a place or you're
 
 00:04:01.322 --> 00:04:02.503
 not mature enough or you're
 
 00:04:02.563 --> 00:04:04.044
 insecure in areas that
 
 00:04:04.084 --> 00:04:05.405
 you're not able to maintain
 
 00:04:05.445 --> 00:04:06.726
 control of at that moment.
 
 00:04:07.387 --> 00:04:09.449
 Don't impose them, not just on your spouse,
 
 00:04:09.789 --> 00:04:10.710
 but on your children,
 
 00:04:11.270 --> 00:04:12.191
 on your significant other,
 
 00:04:12.211 --> 00:04:13.872
 the person you're dating.
 
 00:04:14.312 --> 00:04:15.353
 You can't eat hot food.
 
 00:04:15.874 --> 00:04:16.994
 Don't impose that boundary
 
 00:04:17.495 --> 00:04:18.155
 on the person you're in a
 
 00:04:18.175 --> 00:04:18.796
 relationship with.
 
 00:04:20.667 --> 00:04:22.508
 Again, we are individuals.
 
 00:04:22.748 --> 00:04:23.749
 We think different.
 
 00:04:23.769 --> 00:04:25.830
 We do act differently.
 
 00:04:27.111 --> 00:04:28.431
 We can appreciate each
 
 00:04:28.491 --> 00:04:29.892
 other's differences.
 
 00:04:30.312 --> 00:04:32.894
 I appreciate that my husband
 
 00:04:32.934 --> 00:04:34.235
 and my children can watch
 
 00:04:34.255 --> 00:04:35.155
 those scary movies.
 
 00:04:35.175 --> 00:04:35.875
 Just, you know,
 
 00:04:36.116 --> 00:04:37.296
 you can tell me about it later,
 
 00:04:37.336 --> 00:04:39.858
 but I don't have to watch it with them.
 
 00:04:40.218 --> 00:04:41.459
 I'm going to watch my Hallmark movie.
 
 00:04:41.599 --> 00:04:41.939
 Hello.
 
 00:04:42.359 --> 00:04:43.560
 Give me a good love story.
 
 00:04:43.640 --> 00:04:45.421
 That was in the marriage area.
 
 00:04:45.481 --> 00:04:46.821
 Now we're going to talk about friendship,
 
 00:04:47.342 --> 00:04:48.162
 setting up healthy
 
 00:04:48.202 --> 00:04:49.503
 boundaries in your friendships.
 
 00:04:50.357 --> 00:04:51.838
 And it's important because
 
 00:04:51.858 --> 00:04:53.299
 our relationships do matter.
 
 00:04:53.799 --> 00:04:54.700
 You're going to have friends
 
 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:55.720
 that come into your life
 
 00:04:55.940 --> 00:04:56.421
 and you're going to have
 
 00:04:56.461 --> 00:04:58.702
 friends that remain and friends that go.
 
 00:04:59.282 --> 00:05:00.283
 But even in that,
 
 00:05:00.403 --> 00:05:01.284
 you still have to set up
 
 00:05:01.324 --> 00:05:02.985
 boundaries in the area of friendship.
 
 00:05:03.245 --> 00:05:04.426
 So we're going to talk about that.
 
 00:05:04.806 --> 00:05:05.926
 So the number one thing you
 
 00:05:05.946 --> 00:05:07.327
 should do in the area of
 
 00:05:07.527 --> 00:05:08.948
 friendship when you're
 
 00:05:08.968 --> 00:05:09.689
 dealing with boundaries,
 
 00:05:10.229 --> 00:05:12.951
 tell your friends what your
 
 00:05:13.011 --> 00:05:14.191
 boundaries are.
 
 00:05:15.052 --> 00:05:15.432
 Tell them.
 
 00:05:16.273 --> 00:05:18.594
 Tell them what you're willing to do.
 
 00:05:18.654 --> 00:05:19.955
 Tell them what you're not willing to do.
 
 00:05:20.547 --> 00:05:21.568
 and just express those.
 
 00:05:21.668 --> 00:05:22.950
 It goes back to communication.
 
 00:05:24.912 --> 00:05:26.314
 And you got to be willing to
 
 00:05:26.354 --> 00:05:27.595
 communicate effectively to
 
 00:05:27.615 --> 00:05:29.317
 your friends about your boundaries.
 
 00:05:29.377 --> 00:05:30.178
 Tell them what they are.
 
 00:05:32.020 --> 00:05:35.384
 Friends, we don't use that term lightly.
 
 00:05:36.805 --> 00:05:38.386
 um you know we can be
 
 00:05:38.446 --> 00:05:40.546
 speaking of uh uh
 
 00:05:40.666 --> 00:05:42.887
 co-workers um uh what do
 
 00:05:42.947 --> 00:05:44.347
 you call it it's another
 
 00:05:44.387 --> 00:05:46.008
 term and it doesn't come to
 
 00:05:46.028 --> 00:05:46.908
 me right now when it does
 
 00:05:47.008 --> 00:05:50.089
 i'll share but uh friends
 
 00:05:50.189 --> 00:05:51.830
 associates thank you that's
 
 00:05:51.870 --> 00:05:52.810
 what i think that we
 
 00:05:52.850 --> 00:05:54.231
 friends i can finish that
 
 00:05:55.211 --> 00:05:56.411
 so she's that's what she
 
 00:05:56.451 --> 00:05:57.492
 was looking for it came out
 
 00:05:57.532 --> 00:05:58.772
 of her head and bounced in the mind
 
 00:05:58.972 --> 00:06:00.633
 After 38 years of marriage.
 
 00:06:01.073 --> 00:06:01.714
 We can do that.
 
 00:06:03.054 --> 00:06:04.535
 It takes two of us to remember one thing.
 
 00:06:05.135 --> 00:06:07.797
 But yeah, associates.
 
 00:06:10.358 --> 00:06:11.699
 And sharing your boundaries
 
 00:06:13.160 --> 00:06:15.701
 with those associates.
 
 00:06:15.941 --> 00:06:16.762
 Let them know when they've
 
 00:06:16.802 --> 00:06:17.842
 crossed that line.
 
 00:06:20.104 --> 00:06:21.885
 When those individuals,
 
 00:06:21.965 --> 00:06:23.946
 especially those of the opposite sex,
 
 00:06:25.096 --> 00:06:27.037
 are trying to be funny or
 
 00:06:27.137 --> 00:06:30.179
 making crude jokes that you
 
 00:06:30.219 --> 00:06:31.679
 don't agree with.
 
 00:06:32.299 --> 00:06:35.861
 That can get into a whole other issue.
 
 00:06:36.061 --> 00:06:37.482
 HR can get involved.
 
 00:06:38.122 --> 00:06:39.203
 Hello.
 
 00:06:39.343 --> 00:06:40.743
 So don't just laugh and
 
 00:06:40.783 --> 00:06:42.004
 agree with whatever they
 
 00:06:42.084 --> 00:06:43.885
 say when you don't agree with it.
 
 00:06:44.445 --> 00:06:45.606
 Don't participate in those
 
 00:06:45.646 --> 00:06:46.986
 type of conversations.
 
 00:06:47.126 --> 00:06:50.248
 So let them know your boundaries.
 
 00:06:50.308 --> 00:06:50.728
 Speak up.
 
 00:06:52.100 --> 00:06:53.520
 And that's what you do in
 
 00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:55.561
 the friendship area, associate area,
 
 00:06:56.061 --> 00:06:57.142
 and when you're building
 
 00:06:57.262 --> 00:06:59.122
 relationships as far as friend goes.
 
 00:06:59.982 --> 00:07:01.023
 And the other part,
 
 00:07:01.203 --> 00:07:02.723
 number two of the friendship,
 
 00:07:03.283 --> 00:07:05.264
 you have to demand that
 
 00:07:05.304 --> 00:07:07.605
 they respect your boundaries,
 
 00:07:08.025 --> 00:07:09.025
 demand that they respect them.
 
 00:07:09.930 --> 00:07:11.251
 You have to put a demand on
 
 00:07:12.272 --> 00:07:13.112
 the words that you're
 
 00:07:13.153 --> 00:07:14.754
 saying and ask them not to
 
 00:07:14.794 --> 00:07:15.674
 cross those boundaries.
 
 00:07:15.795 --> 00:07:17.496
 And if they do, you have to address it.
 
 00:07:17.896 --> 00:07:19.117
 But you've got to demand
 
 00:07:19.157 --> 00:07:21.039
 that respect and respect
 
 00:07:21.099 --> 00:07:22.159
 comes in so many different
 
 00:07:22.179 --> 00:07:23.260
 ways and different forms.
 
 00:07:23.300 --> 00:07:25.402
 They can they can walk away
 
 00:07:25.482 --> 00:07:26.583
 from the situation or you
 
 00:07:26.603 --> 00:07:27.864
 can walk away from the situation.
 
 00:07:27.904 --> 00:07:29.045
 But however you do it,
 
 00:07:29.685 --> 00:07:30.806
 make sure that you demand
 
 00:07:30.846 --> 00:07:33.428
 respect of your boundaries that you set.
 
 00:07:33.741 --> 00:07:34.281
 Absolutely.
 
 00:07:34.502 --> 00:07:34.982
 Absolutely.
 
 00:07:35.202 --> 00:07:36.243
 That's an area of friendship.
 
 00:07:36.503 --> 00:07:37.283
 Now let's talk about
 
 00:07:37.884 --> 00:07:40.145
 coworkers and all others.
 
 00:07:40.846 --> 00:07:42.127
 Coworkers and all others.
 
 00:07:42.607 --> 00:07:43.307
 Setting up healthy
 
 00:07:43.347 --> 00:07:45.189
 boundaries in coworkers and all others.
 
 00:07:45.529 --> 00:07:47.550
 We're going to tell you the
 
 00:07:47.610 --> 00:07:50.072
 number one thing to do in
 
 00:07:50.092 --> 00:07:51.893
 dealing with coworkers and all others.
 
 00:07:52.894 --> 00:07:55.715
 Acknowledge that they have boundaries.
 
 00:07:57.076 --> 00:07:58.177
 Acknowledge that they have them.
 
 00:07:58.898 --> 00:07:59.478
 You know,
 
 00:07:59.518 --> 00:08:01.319
 you see somebody who come in and
 
 00:08:01.499 --> 00:08:02.680
 you work with them and they don't,
 
 00:08:03.050 --> 00:08:04.571
 Tell the cruel jokes and they don't,
 
 00:08:04.972 --> 00:08:05.932
 don't try to go up to them
 
 00:08:05.992 --> 00:08:07.033
 and tell them cruel jokes.
 
 00:08:07.814 --> 00:08:10.016
 Acknowledge that that may be a boundary.
 
 00:08:10.056 --> 00:08:11.557
 Just like you have boundaries,
 
 00:08:11.597 --> 00:08:12.658
 they have boundaries.
 
 00:08:12.758 --> 00:08:13.758
 Acknowledge that they have
 
 00:08:13.778 --> 00:08:14.619
 them and respect them.
 
 00:08:15.240 --> 00:08:18.182
 And the second thing, speaking of that,
 
 00:08:18.842 --> 00:08:21.725
 you have to respect their boundaries.
 
 00:08:22.786 --> 00:08:24.127
 Respect, don't cross them.
 
 00:08:24.167 --> 00:08:25.428
 Don't, oh, I was just playing.
 
 00:08:26.048 --> 00:08:27.609
 Just see how far I can go or
 
 00:08:27.689 --> 00:08:29.591
 see what I can get away with.
 
 00:08:29.851 --> 00:08:31.873
 No, respect those individuals' boundaries.
 
 00:08:32.726 --> 00:08:33.447
 And number three,
 
 00:08:35.288 --> 00:08:36.209
 these are other things you
 
 00:08:36.229 --> 00:08:36.769
 have to do when you're
 
 00:08:36.789 --> 00:08:38.010
 dealing with coworkers and others.
 
 00:08:38.711 --> 00:08:39.832
 If you cross their boundary,
 
 00:08:40.332 --> 00:08:41.193
 this is so important.
 
 00:08:41.754 --> 00:08:43.875
 If you cross their boundaries,
 
 00:08:44.656 --> 00:08:45.477
 ask for forgiveness.
 
 00:08:46.438 --> 00:08:48.099
 Don't act like you didn't do nothing.
 
 00:08:48.800 --> 00:08:50.521
 Because if you step on my toe,
 
 00:08:51.562 --> 00:08:52.743
 my brand new Jordans or
 
 00:08:52.963 --> 00:08:54.645
 white tennis shoes or whatever it is,
 
 00:08:55.765 --> 00:08:57.107
 and you don't acknowledge that you did it,
 
 00:08:57.127 --> 00:08:59.088
 we're going to have an issue.
 
 00:09:00.309 --> 00:09:00.990
 You've got to
 
 00:09:01.489 --> 00:09:02.350
 acknowledge that you've
 
 00:09:02.370 --> 00:09:03.290
 crossed that boundaries.
 
 00:09:03.910 --> 00:09:05.471
 And if you did intentionally
 
 00:09:05.691 --> 00:09:08.253
 or unintentionally, forgive me,
 
 00:09:08.873 --> 00:09:10.114
 I didn't mean to cross that boundary.
 
 00:09:10.692 --> 00:09:11.832
 That's something you have to do.
 
 00:09:12.232 --> 00:09:13.373
 You may have to do it on a
 
 00:09:13.433 --> 00:09:14.473
 consistent basis when
 
 00:09:14.493 --> 00:09:15.233
 you're building
 
 00:09:15.253 --> 00:09:16.593
 relationships and dealing
 
 00:09:16.613 --> 00:09:17.614
 with coworkers and others.
 
 00:09:18.134 --> 00:09:19.894
 That's just being respectful.
 
 00:09:20.294 --> 00:09:22.035
 Just respect their
 
 00:09:22.095 --> 00:09:23.795
 boundaries and ask for
 
 00:09:23.935 --> 00:09:26.436
 forgiveness when you cross it.
 
 00:09:26.516 --> 00:09:27.356
 R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
 
 00:09:27.556 --> 00:09:27.876
 Come on.
 
 00:09:28.616 --> 00:09:30.197
 Maybe you didn't recognize,
 
 00:09:30.237 --> 00:09:30.837
 you didn't know,
 
 00:09:31.497 --> 00:09:33.518
 you didn't know they had that boundary.
 
 00:09:33.558 --> 00:09:35.238
 You didn't know you were just being you.
 
 00:09:37.006 --> 00:09:38.127
 When they share that you
 
 00:09:38.167 --> 00:09:39.408
 have crossed a boundary,
 
 00:09:39.448 --> 00:09:40.349
 when they share that they
 
 00:09:40.389 --> 00:09:41.449
 feel disrespected,
 
 00:09:41.830 --> 00:09:43.471
 that they feel that they're
 
 00:09:43.591 --> 00:09:44.992
 upset because of something
 
 00:09:45.032 --> 00:09:48.535
 you said or did towards them, respect it.
 
 00:09:49.075 --> 00:09:50.196
 Understand that that is a
 
 00:09:50.536 --> 00:09:53.338
 boundary and that you have crossed it.
 
 00:09:54.039 --> 00:09:54.919
 Ask for forgiveness.
 
 00:09:54.999 --> 00:09:55.700
 And don't do it again.
 
 00:09:56.481 --> 00:09:57.261
 Don't do it again.
 
 00:09:58.722 --> 00:09:59.863
 Don't do it again.
 
 00:10:00.504 --> 00:10:03.526
 Now, the next part of that is number four.
 
 00:10:04.046 --> 00:10:06.208
 You have to give them time to
 
 00:10:07.413 --> 00:10:11.196
 and space to forgive forgive
 
 00:10:11.236 --> 00:10:13.518
 you for the offense forgive
 
 00:10:13.538 --> 00:10:15.960
 you for the act of crossing
 
 00:10:16.240 --> 00:10:17.742
 or violating that
 
 00:10:17.782 --> 00:10:19.323
 boundaries that again
 
 00:10:19.643 --> 00:10:20.724
 applies to all
 
 00:10:20.764 --> 00:10:22.406
 relationships co-workers
 
 00:10:22.446 --> 00:10:23.827
 significant others marriage
 
 00:10:24.527 --> 00:10:25.768
 if you disrespect somebody
 
 00:10:26.269 --> 00:10:27.730
 if you offend somebody if
 
 00:10:27.770 --> 00:10:28.811
 you cross their boundaries
 
 00:10:29.856 --> 00:10:30.657
 Ask for forgiveness.
 
 00:10:31.598 --> 00:10:32.358
 It's so important.
 
 00:10:33.019 --> 00:10:35.321
 And give them space and time to forgive.
 
 00:10:35.621 --> 00:10:37.022
 Don't go up to them.
 
 00:10:37.183 --> 00:10:39.084
 Well, that happened last year.
 
 00:10:39.424 --> 00:10:40.806
 That happened a week ago.
 
 00:10:41.306 --> 00:10:42.167
 Are you still on that?
 
 00:10:43.468 --> 00:10:44.449
 They may be still on that
 
 00:10:44.549 --> 00:10:46.971
 because they set that boundary.
 
 00:10:47.011 --> 00:10:47.972
 You had the conversation.
 
 00:10:48.012 --> 00:10:49.713
 You knew about it and you crossed it.
 
 00:10:49.974 --> 00:10:51.435
 So, yeah, they're upset about it.
 
 00:10:52.356 --> 00:10:53.337
 But see, the thing is,
 
 00:10:53.717 --> 00:10:54.898
 when you ask for forgiveness,
 
 00:10:54.918 --> 00:10:55.699
 you've done your part.